HE SAID/SHE SAID

Here in the capital of the most powerful city of the world, power is the name of the game. Power is freeing, power is exhilarating, power is sexy. It is better than wealth. In a word, it is THE driving force that runs the world. No wonder marriage counseling in Washington DC is often considered a necessity. Who could mediate between couples when their passion is power and fame and only secondarily, love?

Oscar Olivera, had come to Washington as an attache in the Spanish Embassy. It didn’t take long for him to find his way into the social milieu that included young Washingtonians from many nations as well as ambitious, upwardly mobile young American. Gregarious and open by nature, Oscar soon knew everybody who was anybody and had his choice of female companionship at his beck and call. No one knows how it happened that he was attracted to Emily Franklin, a market analyst from Ohio. Emily wasn’t glamorous, not even particularly pretty, but in some indescribable way, she had bewitched the gentleman from Spain. And she was fascinated by his polished European manner – so unlike the men her friends met and married back home. The wedding was not expensive, or particularly formal, because it was traditional – Oscar was not inclined to renounce his faith, and so she renounced hers. It was a huge wedding, though, and glamorous in a trendy way.

Children began to arrive soon after the wedding, first a handsome, dark haired boy who was a dead ringer for Oscar and the apple of his Spanish grandmother’s eye. There followed two girls and another boy. By this time Emily had given up on her career ambitions and she and Oscar had decided to find a way to survive on just one income. Emily’s delicate, blond good looks had begun to fade. Her shape had become definitely maternal, and she was increasingly tired all the time. Temptations near at hand were beginning to fascinate Oscar, eventually he started going out alone evenings, leaving Emily with the children. A recipe for disaster, you say?? Oscar didn’t think so – in his culture this was the normal progression of marriage among the educated middle classes. Emily’s background, however, didn’t fit this image of family life. Arguments started and started to become more frequent. Within a few years the children were awakened often by louder and louder shouting matches between their parents.

Oscar didn’t want to see a counselor. He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, he was behaving according to his own standard of conduct. Emily saw things according to hers – her picture of a close family, parents raising their children together seemed to her the most effective lifestyle for married people.

Bitterness often develops in situations like this, people get stuck on their own viewpoints and blinded by their needs and find themselves unable to relate in the loving way they had in the beginning. A friend of Emily’s recommended marriage counseling – perhaps a psychologist like Karen Osterle, who could help them understand each other’s viewpoint and come to terms with the differences in their backgrounds and expectations. Emily had readily given up her professional dreams for what she considered a more fulfilling life. Someone was needed to help Oscar to achieve fulfillment as a family man, yet not abandon his professional aspirations.

This kind of challenge often presents itself in communities like DC, where ambition is rampant. Can this marriage and their dreams be saved? Yes! Say the many counselors, therapists and psychologists in Washington, and all over – with enough goodwill on the part of the couple, the marriage and the future of the children is salvageable.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 9th, 2008 at 9:12 pm and is filed under Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.